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December 7th, 2008

48 weeks

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I last posted 48 weeks ago.  Apparently, I've been very busy....

December 12th, 2007

on a lighter note

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Who invited ME!  blah, blah, blah..... 

holiday boo~hoo....

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Drunken Wednesday nite rambling......

Shit, I HATE for my first entry to be something pathetic and sad, cuz I'm usually such a happy drunk!  I guess I shouldn't have gotten on LJ at the WORST possible time of the year.  I hate the holidays.  I've tried, in the past 5 years, to find ways to view this as a joyous season.  Unfortunately, it ain't happenin'.  I can put on my happy face and be cool, but it really isn't genuine.  I KNOW that time heals all wounds and some day I will be able to enjoy the holidays again.  I just keep waiting for that time to come.... tick tock, tick tock.  I don't know how many of you have lost a parent (or two).  I wouldn't wish it on ANYONE.  It's hard enuf to deal with day-to-day bullshit sadness & grief, but holiday's really suck.  My mom LOVED Christmastime.  She decorated to the max, had lots of her lil holiday music playin' (Mannheim Steamroller & shit), swirled her wine, got her drunk on, threw her head back and laughed, and TRULY enjoyed the Christmas season.  Even if you weren't "in the mood," all you had to do was walk into her house and it would remind you of all your fondest childhood memories of Christmas.  No matter who you were.

My mom was a class act, at a minimum.  Something I strive to be.  I LOATHE it that she is gone from me.  It will be 6 years this April.  Time heals all wounds.  That's what "they" keep telling me.  It's getting easier, but like I said, holidays still suck - BIG TIME.  This is only my 2nd round of holidays without my stepdad, Mikee.  How is it possible that I have lost two of the MOST influencial people in my life by the age of 35?  How the fuck is that fair?  What did I do to deserve this pain?  I love it when people tell me, "Well, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger."  What can I even say about that statement?  I'm as strong as I want to be.  I've had enuf; thanks very much.

What's that I hear?  It's the Waaaaambulance!!!  I know.  I'm cryin' in my beer tonite!  Sorry....  But for anyone out there who has lost a parent and who is feeling icky (ha ha), just know that I'm in your corner and I feel yer pain.  It's a crappy club to belong to!  Sorry about yer luck.....  Know that u have a friend in me.  My peers, who have not lost a parent try to be supportive but don't really GET it.  Fuck, I love you guys for trying tho!!  You are THE BEST!!  I am SO VERY THANKFUL for my wonderful group of friends!  Where would I be without you??!!  I would be nowhere without you!  You keep me sane.  You keep me grounded.  You keep me alive!!  I love you!!!!

Let's all get drunk & sing Patsy Cline songs!!!  :)  Amelia, you fucking ROCK!!!
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